the secret of the world ; is written in the stars

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Just had a long talk with my parents this evening ...
Been a long time since I talked to my parents ...
About stuff ...

I feel kinda guilty ...

My dad walked over to my room while i was doing stuff , and asked if I was free next Saturday ...
I was actaully kinda irritated and told him I probably had some Poly-Forum meeting that day ...
He was like , oh , than we'll make it Sunday than ...
I was like o.0 ?
He than went on to say he wanted to bring the family out for a buffet meal at Kuishinbo and needed to make reservations , cause the past few times we wanted to head there for a meal it was always fully booked ..

I felt like so guilty ...
Here my Dad is being nice and all ...
And I was actaully irritated at him ...

We talked ...
About school , projects and studies ...
He told me to just concentrate on my studies and don't worry about anything else ...
Not in so few words of course ...
But you get the meaning ...

I said that after Poly and NS , I might consider going overseas for for degree ...
I said that going overseas would only take 2 years as compared to 4 years if i do get into SMU ...
He said that ...
When the time comes , whatever my decision , he would fully support me ...
He didn't even say no .

Later on , i talked to my mum ...
We talked about family , our relatives ...
And about alot of things ...
Eventually , we ended up talking about my studies again ...
She could see I was avoiding certain topics ...
But she didn't probe furthur

I also felt guilty cause my parents really give me everything I want ...
No matter whether I said something in jest or just on a whim ...
Somehow , they would do something about it ...
And all they want , is for me to be successful in whatever I do ...
And right now , that is in my studies ...
And what am i doing ?

Messing up .

Who's fault is it ?

My own .

I so do not deserve to have this wonderful life I've got ...

Really ...
I owe too much to my Dad and Mom ...

And instead of setting things right ...
Here I am ...
Emoing ...

Hah ...

No wonder things turned out like this.

Still , I owe it to my parents to at least save myself .
To prove my worth .
To get what I want .
I know I always say that I'll try .
I'll say it again .

I'll try .

You raise me up ... To more than I can be ...

aiky wrote in white | 11:53 PM