Sunday, August 23, 2009
what a difference a year makes
or does it ?
just realized last night,
that wow, it's been a year since i came back from Beijing.
an entire year
during which so much has happened.
there are so many things i would rather have done differently.
so many things that i wanted to do, but never did.
so many things that i wanted to say, but never did.
given the chance,
i'd want to live the last 365 days all over again.
but would the choices i make this time,
really make any difference ?
sure,
in theory, it would.
in hindsight,
perhaps ...
these unspoken words,
these undone actions,
would seem like they were the correct ones.
but it's not like i can go back in time and change anything ...
for better or worse , i've got to live with my choices
live with my decisions.
after all,
the only way to live life,
has, and always will be, to live it forward.
que sera sera 23 days to P.O.P
aiky wrote in white | 11:11 PM
Sunday, August 16, 2009
one more month to POP and i am so happy ar
seems like i've been on Tekong like forever ...
but the last month has finally come !!
and all of us can't be happier ...
for every day that passes , we're one step closer
to leaving this godforsaken island
booking in later at 1955 hours
not really looking forward to it ... duh ...
spent most of this weekend ...
not exactly sure doing what ...
caught GI Joe on Saturday
with Sam and Nick Han
it was pretty awesome !
went to Astons after that.
met up with ht and explored ION.
it was so freaking crowded that although we went with the intention to take shots ...
i couldn't find anything to inspire me , or maybe i was just too brain dead ...
went to Orchard Center , much quieter
hope it stays that way ... but when it's fully open , i guess more crowds will be expected.
on the way back
took some shots at Istana Park
quite a nice little park
haven't been taking much photos lately ...
haven't been uploading photos since quite a few weeks back ...
i think the quality of my photos has gone down quite a bit ...
their just not as beautiful ...
or maybe NS just fried my brain =/
maybe after POP ,
things might take a change in direction ,
one can only hope ?
some questions ,
just have no answers ,
and even if they did have answers ,
would you really want to know what the answer would be ?
perhaps ,
the course of some friendships ,
have just run out the course of their life.
whatever it is ,
i'm happy that ,
if even for a short period of time ,
we thought of each other as friends ;
goodbye ...
some people come into our lives and quickly go. some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts;
and we are never the same.
aiky wrote in white | 3:26 PM
Sunday, August 9, 2009
lay down your arms ; give up the fight
do you know what's worth fighting for,
when it's not worth dying for ?
does it take your breath away
and you feel yourself suffocating ?
does the pain weigh out the pride ?
and you look for a place to hide ?
did someone break your heart inside ?
you're in ruins.
when you're at the end of the road
and you lost all sense of control
and your thoughts have taken their toll
when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
your faith walks on broken glass
and the hangover doesn't pass
nothing's ever built to last
you're in ruins.
did you try to live on your own
when you burned down the house and home ?
did you stand too close to the fire ?
like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone
when it's time to live and let die
and you can't get another try
something inside this heart has died
you're in ruins.
recently , i've been doing lots of thinking.
something you don't really do alot of as an NSF , much less as a recruit.
in the army , you're "Excuse Brain".
you don't have much of a choice in what you can do, and when you do it.
the loss of freedom, is something you'll never get over.
i find myself much too tired to bother about the outside world.
yet events in the outside world affect me.
i try to ignore the outside world.
yet the outside world reaches in to touch me.
when i try to reach the outside world,
the outside world forgets i exist.
and i find myself wondering.
what the hell am i doing here.
the very next moment ,
i'm staring into space , not a thought in my head.
once upon a time ,
i was naive enough to think that ,
i should give it my best shot during my 2 years ,
that i should do my best .
then i realized ,
there's no point doing anything well ,
when you don't get paid well enough ,
don't get recognised ,
get nothing but more trouble for being friendly and helpful ,
and get under appreciated
the base line is ; it's not worth your time to be so enthusiastic.
the best thing i can do for myself for the rest of my nsf life ,
is to not bother about things beyond my control ,
and just enjoying every moment of my freedom during bookouts
this post is so negative , i should just delete it ... but i just need to get this out of my system.
aiky wrote in white | 12:18 AM
Sunday, August 2, 2009
a short update
it's been a busy two weeks ,
a very tiring two weeks ,
but it's over.
i've cleared all outfield events for my BMT life ,
and i can't be more thankful .
Field Camp and SIT Test are both OVER !!
and i survived to tell the tales (:
will write more when i next bookout , next weekend.
spent most of this ultra-short bookout sleeping ... haha ...
out of 24 hours , i prob slept , around 12 hours ... and the rest nuaing ...
till next week !
goodbye world , once again .
take care all ~
aiky wrote in white | 7:45 PM
