Sunday, May 23, 2010
i could really use a wish right now
"can we pretend that airplanes
in the night sky
are like shooting stars
i could really use a wish right now
wish right now wish right now" - airplanes
the feeling i have right now.
i guess it's hard to describe.
i'm in a world of hurt.
both emotionally and physically.
and it's not that i don't want to tell anybody how i feel.
i just don't want to burden them with my problems.
i force a smile on my face everyday.
but deep down. there's nothing much to smile about.
it's been a long time since i felt this messed up.
and i'm not sure how long i'm gonna be this way.
dear god , i hope it's not too long ...
"and it seems like yesterday , it was just a dream , but those days are gone
their just memories."
aiky wrote in white | 5:19 PM
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
hope. really ?
"I think everyone at some point goes through that one moment where they think “Oh my God, I can’t do this”. But you know what? You can. No matter how close you are to the edge, no matter how badly you feel like giving up, or think it’s best to do so rather than have to put up with the pain - don’t. Don’t lose hope that things will get better. Don’t give up, because there is someone out there who will make you smile in a way no one else ever could. Keep that glimmer of hope alive in your heart, because someone is out there searching for you, for your smile. So wipe your tears and hang on tight.
" - runawaytrain
hope.
that's what i've been told to hold on too.
no matter how slim that silver of hope is.
hold on tight.
but advice is always easier to give than to follow.
i think i know my place in your heart.
how much hope is there really ?
i should be realistic.
aiky wrote in white | 7:43 PM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
the silence is deafening
with each passing day ...
it's as if i've got less and less to look forward to ...
friends ...
family ...
everyone's just caught up in their own lives ...
i'm not blaming anyone ...
i'm just going through a really tough time ...
and i really wish there's someone who can be there for me ...
yes , i do have a friend or two willing to hear me out ... thank god for them ...
but it's not like just talking about it once or twice is gonna make me feel better ...
and i really feel bad occupying so much of their time talking about the same things over and over again ...
i feel sick of myself ...
hopefully things get better ... but i don't see that happening in the near future ...
and the disappointment from last week ... i can't seem to get over it ...
perhaps that's meant to be ...
life is so practical these days .... too practical ...
aiky wrote in white | 7:49 PM
Saturday, May 8, 2010
21 and counting
so i've finally turned 21 , it's funny , i don't feel any different than before.
i'm still me.
it's been a week of roller-coaster emotions.
a week of really high up's and really low down's.
started the week pretty happy
booked in happy , looking forward to the day i turned 21.
sunday
met up with ks , johnnie and terry.
lunch was great !
monday
first day of the working week and we get tekan by the instructors.
damn bad mood.
tuesday
my birthday , but no different from any other day.
glad that my platoon mates tried to make it different (:
and heh , got a cake from the Commanders !
wednesday
a rather short day at site
a good day too , booked out for a rather long nights-out
went home to rest for awhile
met shane for dinner
went back to camp ...
and lol , shane kena summoned while we were having dinner cause he didn't put a a coupon on his car :S
oh and S1 finally solved the admin problem and i got promoted to LCP , heh , backdated to March.
and woo. SIT offered me a place.
thursday
nothing much to say about it
friday
the longawaited results for my MRI.
and the news is not good at all.
i went in expected them to say the MRI came out with nothing , that i'd just be fine with lots of physio for my back muscles.
but fate likes her fun.
turns out i have a slipped disk.
i can't be bothered to type out every single thing that ran through my mind since i got the news.
too many problems are gonna come out ... and i'm not looking forward to the administrative nightmare that is gonna result ...
there are some other things that are on my mind too . but there doesn't seem to be anyone i can talk to about ... i can't bring myself to type it out ... and i'm supposed to be mature enough to handle this ... so i shall just take time to think through things ... i can't keep repeating my mistakes , my actions . it's just stupid .
gotta find the strength to pull through this situation.
aiky wrote in white | 7:44 AM
Saturday, May 1, 2010
399 to go.
back from a week of CEC training.
and the only thing i can tell you is.
appreciate your construction workers.
their work is really really tough and the conditions are taxing.
booked in to find out that a platoon mate's Dad , suddenly passed away ...
makes you think , really , that life is fragile ...
just when you think you've gotten used to the way it's going ...
life takes a change ...
sometimes for the better but mostly for the the unexpected ...
attended the wake on Mon evening , after the first day of practical training ...
the rest of the days were basically a repeat of the same
get up in the morning , load stores and move off to the training ground
after a long and tiring day of work , we'll move back to camp
and clean stores.
the part which i think is extremely crazy is the condition of cleanliness the stores must be in ...
this last week is probably up there in the shagness rating as a long outfield
and did i mention for us guys who've been in the army for a year , the instructors treat us like recruits . makes it feel like we're back to square one . wtf .
and the best part was , it rained almost everyday ... awesome much ?
for some weird reason , i've been smiling alot to myself.
hopefully , it's for a good reason , and not that i'm going crazy or something ... heh.
aiky wrote in white | 8:59 AM
