the secret of the world ; is written in the stars

Sunday, August 9, 2009

lay down your arms ; give up the fight

do you know what's worth fighting for,
when it's not worth dying for ?
does it take your breath away
and you feel yourself suffocating ?
does the pain weigh out the pride ?
and you look for a place to hide ?
did someone break your heart inside ?
you're in ruins.

when you're at the end of the road
and you lost all sense of control
and your thoughts have taken their toll
when your mind breaks the spirit of your soul
your faith walks on broken glass
and the hangover doesn't pass
nothing's ever built to last
you're in ruins.

did you try to live on your own
when you burned down the house and home ?
did you stand too close to the fire ?
like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone

when it's time to live and let die
and you can't get another try
something inside this heart has died
you're in ruins.

recently , i've been doing lots of thinking.
something you don't really do alot of as an NSF , much less as a recruit.
in the army , you're "Excuse Brain".
you don't have much of a choice in what you can do, and when you do it.
the loss of freedom, is something you'll never get over.

i find myself much too tired to bother about the outside world.
yet events in the outside world affect me.
i try to ignore the outside world.
yet the outside world reaches in to touch me.
when i try to reach the outside world,
the outside world forgets i exist.

and i find myself wondering.
what the hell am i doing here.

the very next moment ,
i'm staring into space , not a thought in my head.

once upon a time ,
i was naive enough to think that ,
i should give it my best shot during my 2 years ,
that i should do my best .

then i realized ,
there's no point doing anything well ,
when you don't get paid well enough ,
don't get recognised ,
get nothing but more trouble for being friendly and helpful ,
and get under appreciated
the base line is ; it's not worth your time to be so enthusiastic.

the best thing i can do for myself for the rest of my nsf life ,
is to not bother about things beyond my control ,
and just enjoying every moment of my freedom during bookouts

this post is so negative , i should just delete it ... but i just need to get this out of my system.

aiky wrote in white | 12:18 AM