the secret of the world ; is written in the stars

Sunday, November 29, 2009

the world is a sad sad place

and i'm just another one of it's sad sad inhabitants
i don't know how long this will last ...
perhaps till i find myself at peace with myself again ...
or perhaps when i've a much clearer picture of the world
which i thought i knew , but has apparently decided to reshape itself again ...
i admit , it's my own fault , for being too into my own comfort zone ...
for thinking that everything will be alright , and everything will always stay the same
that it happens to others and never to me ...
well , some things do happen to others and not to me , the things that i really want ...
others , my worst nightmares , have barely just begun ...

never imagined i would get so stressed and upset over ns ...
but truth is , i've never felt so helpless , so useless and so alone before ...
the irony would be that prior to ns , i thought it would be a great experience
to get out of my comfort zone , to tough it out ...
call me a weakling ... but i'm ready to call it quits ...
this life is too tough for me ...

i've never been this mentally , physically and emotionally burnt out that before now ...

i've seen some of the best sides of people and some of the worst ...
and the wonder is that you can see both sides within split seconds of each other ...
i've seen that in the interests of self , people are ready to abandon you in a split second ...
i've also seen that there are those who are ready to help you , who help without a second thought ... and for the latter , i'm very grateful

it's all in the mind , but right now , my mind is about to really explode into a million pieces ...
i want my old life back ...
but just saying that is not gonna change anything ...
and it's not like i can really do anything about it ...
i can but do nothing and just wait as the days go by ...

i've suddenly lost my purpose in life
i've lost the smiling cheerful me
and i want it back.

someone help me find myself again.

if this post is incoherent , it's cause i can't even think straight anymore these days ...

aiky wrote in white | 5:48 PM