the secret of the world ; is written in the stars

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

An unknown reason has made me wake up from my sleep .

It's this feeling that I've left something undone .

Or that something I've done has suddenly resurfaced from the depths of my mind to trouble me.

Whatever the case , it's this very uneasy feeling .

And I don't like it at all .

Waking up like this in the middle of the night .

Makes me think . Makes me wonder .

So much has happened .

A part of me just wants to let go .

Yet another part of me stubbornly refuses to lets go . And that part of me is clinging on for all it's worth .

Is this the reason that has jolted me from my sleep ?

I think not . I hope not .

Or perhaps , it's the reality that exams are coming ?

It's just 10 days to the first major paper .

MWA tommorrow notwithstanding .

But .

Exams have never troubled me before .

Or perhaps this is a sign .

That . This is it . Your luck's run out .

You got 10 days . Good Luck .

One thing I've never told anyone before . Or perhaps in so public a manner .

I've depended on luck alot . A hell lot .

And also my ability to learn fast .

To the extent , it would be considered an abuse of both .

Behind the calm facade . Behind all the "relax there's still plenty of time" .

Is indeed a very worried person .

Perhaps , I do enjoy living on the Edge .

But one day , it's just gonna be too much to bear .

And thats when the whole house of cards comes tumbling down .

Perhaps it's this uncertainty that fails to give people the trust in me .

That unpredictability . That unknown . That wild card .

You never do know what you're getting with me .

Not until the very last minute .

I do things before thinking .

And that has gotten me into trouble a hell lot of times .

I speak before I think .

That too has gotten me into trouble even more .

But I'll be damned if what I say or do doesn't score points .

It always does .

If people even bother to shut up , listen and learn .

Now that sounded egoistic .

Now thats another flaw of me .

I'm a very arrogant person . There is no denying that .

I've lost friends and made more enemies due to my arrogance .

The belief that I'm far superior to the whole bunch of fools we call the rest of the world .

But are there really alot of things for me to be proud of ?

Are the achievements of yesterday really that much to show off ?

It's time to let these delusions of grandeur die off .

What's yesterday has passed .

Sure .

It feels good to look back at past glory and enjoy the feeling of success .

But that is already a passed success .

What counts more is right now and today .

Why live on past glory ?

Perhaps that's why I was woken up tonight .

To make that realization .

I've been living on past glory for too long .

It's time to remind everyone what I'm made of .

You don't want to be in my way .

aiky wrote in white | 3:29 AM